There is a video on youtube I came across a few weeks ago. It talks about the different stages of a spiritual awakening. The first stage is The Wake Up. It’s when you start questioning the world around you, when you start asking the big questions: Is this all there is? Is this even anything?
If memory serves, I never went through this stage. At least not in the way that I could name a specific time. I guess it happened through a series of years. I was a huge daydreamer, and the feeling of knowing there was more was always at the back of my mind.
The second stage is the Euphoric stage. This is when you feel the great connectedness of the world, you feel happy and safe. Like a teenager marveling at newfound freedom.
(As a disclaimer, people can go through these stages in different order)
I never went through this stage either. I always understood how everything was connected. How the actions of someone who’ve never met could influence your life. But I never felt it. Never had this grande feeling of wonder for the world around me.
This is probably my biggest hurdle with being a Witch. I don’t feel anything. Lately I’ve started saying with all seriousness that I’m dead inside. Not in the depressed way, but just in the way that I don’t feel connected to anything.
When I think about practicing magic, I think of it as something separate from myself. Performing a ritual, or casting a spell. I think of magicking living inside my single dorm room that I’ll move into in the fall. In my head, it’s always separate from myself and my living conditions.
I know for a fact I’ve read about and listened to people saying that magicking is alla round you and inside you- energy is literally what atoms are made up of- but I could never really apply it to myself in a way that I truly believed.
Someone finally got through to me though. I just started reading this amazing book, “Becoming Dangerous” edited by Katie West and Jasmine Elliott. It’s a collection of essays written by various people about their own rituals that help them deal with things like racism, sexism, rape, PTSD, etc.
The second essay is about trash-magic. How a cripple finds everything she needs for her magic in the trash. How she finds magic in the disposable.
I still don’t feel connected but I can see magic in the house, in my day to day routine. And for now, that’s enough.
Femme Witchcraft 